The Simulation Machine

Our minds are simulation machines. We take what’s happening in the now, extrapolate from what has happened before, and try to create simulations of what might happen in the future.

Its power and capabilities are astonishing. It’s what allows man to create, to invent, to explore. Because we can imagine. The simulation machine is incredible and we need to learn how to make it work for us and not against us.

As powerful as it is, the simulation machine can also be disempowering, discouraging, or destructive if the range of possibilities are trending downwards—where wrong things may happen, where the worst is yet to come, where pain gets more pain.

This happens when what we feed the model is filtered strictly on negative events and possibilities. The tricky part about extrapolating on the past is what has happened before is filled with our own subjective takes. They can be unreliable. And what has happened then, was perceived and acted upon by who we were then. The past also has a tendency to lie. So much so that it can create perceptions in our minds that perhaps weren’t the case, and creating things that may happen where the odds are infinitesimally small.

Don’t get me wrong; imagining what can go wrong is part of assessing risk. But we can’t purely feed the model with what can go wrong. It misses the entire point of the simulation machine: that we are live actors with powerful agency. The X factor in every simulation is us: we have the power to change the future by what we do in the present. That we can generate probabilities based on who we choose to be, one thought, one action, one move at a time. That we can alter the trajectory of things singlehandedly. That by acting now, and continuously move toward a more positive future where we increase the odds for ourselves, we actually have more control than we think. We have influence. We have impact. We have significance.

We can’t lose sight of how much sway we have over our own lives. Sure there are other variables: events we have no control of, our environments, other actors. But we are the main character in our lives. We have dominion over our story.

The simulation machine does not act on its own. It works for us. It may simulate possibilities. We create realities.

Heaven is closer than we think

In the midst of tragedy, sadness, depression, or just the general ups and downs of life, our situations tend to make us focus on all that is wrong, bad, unfortunate.

And that may very well be so: things may actually be wrong, bad, or unfortunate. It’s hard to dismiss the facts and ignore the emotions we feel for whatever we’re going through. If anything, acknowledging what’s happening as they are, feeling our feelings all the way through our bodies, and being present and aware through things may be exactly what we need to do. To get things out of our heads and process them in reality, to see things with clear eyes, and pick ourselves up one step at a time.

This is not about pushing things aside, but about embracing them head on. But it’s also not about staying in the wrong, bad, and unfortunate. Events are singular. They may have baggage, but they only endure in our minds. The concept of letting go is something that happens precisely because we, naturally as humans, hold on to things. At some point, we have to come to grips with what it is we’re holding onto: an idea, a grudge, a regret, something we wish is still the case but is not, something we wish someone was but isn’t actually so, something we thought about ourselves but we have to face. Whatever it is, it starts with acceptance and facing the music. We can’t stay in the void forever.

Allowing things to be what they are is part of life, whether that’s lettings things unfold as they happen, letting someone else think what they think, letting go of what we thought was meant for us, and letting things be as they are.

Sometimes, we don’t need to spiritually be anywhere else than where we already are. We have to accept with who we are in the moment, the imperfect part of ourselves, the less than ideal situations we find ourselves in, and take them exactly as they are.

We may want to hide or go someplace else in our minds thinking there’s somewhere else to go to. But if the body is a temple, then our minds can be sanctuary, as noisy and cluttered sometimes it can be.

Heaven is closer than we think. We just have to think it. And more importantly, treat life as if we’re already there.

Importance

When you realize that few things are really important, this sets you free. You feel lighter. Things feel simpler. The chaos feels manageable.

Sure, there’s a barrage of things that you need to do, that need to happen, that are not happening fast enough. There are tasks to get done, bills that need to get paid, people to talk to, opportunities that need to be chased. And these things matter. But there is an order to things, and there are some that are more important than the rest.

Your health. Your family’s health. Your personal mission.

This is not to say that the other things don’t matter. They do. But almost everything else comes after these first three. This is not an excuse to let go of everything else, but rather, to put things in perspective. If anything, understanding this order liberates you from how much you ought to put of yourself in all the areas of your life, and how much things ought to take time and energy from you.

When we feel the Overwhelm, it feels like everything is crashing down because we put everything on the same plane. But things are not on the same plane, and they never really are at any given time. There’s the first three then there’s everything else. Even the first three have an order. And everything else also has an order.

To reduce the Overwhelm, it’s imperative we understand, internalize, and most importantly, commit to the order.

What if the order is different for you? That’s fine, but the premise is the same: know what the order is, commit to that order. What happens after is what it is. But at least you did things according to the order that’s most important to you.

Overwhelm

We get overwhelmed when we’re pulled in multiple directions at any given time. There’s our own goals, our jobs and careers, our relationships, our obligations, our responsibilities. And they never end, constantly piling up.

But such is life. This is the price of being alive. But we don’t have to succumb to it.

It starts with silence. Find it anywhere. Close your eyes and just breathe. If possible, block everything else out—get away from others, put your phone away, block any distractions. This lets you get settled and allows you to focus. If you feel guilty for this, remember that your mental health comes first.

Next, write. Write anything down that you’re currently thinking. Write it on a piece of paper, a notes app, a notebook, it doesn’t matter. Write it anywhere. Write it on the first thing you can write it on. Just write. There’s no format.

From there, identify what’s actually urgent. Not everything that feels urgent actually is. I’ll go to say that few things are actually urgent at any given time. From those few, pick one, and start there. Start with the smallest thing you can do.

Then, just do one thing. You can’t do it all at the same time. But you can do something. Just start there. And build momentum.

1. Find silence.
2. Get clarity.
3. Start anything.

If it gets overwhelming again, return to this simple framework.

Ps. I was overwhelmed when I wrote this. It’s not the most urgent thing that I needed to do, but writing it allowed me to calm down, to eventually do the thing that I needed to do. That’s the beauty of writing. Each word and each line written down allows me to hyper-focus and block everything else out. It’s writing for me, but it can be something else for you.

What do you really want?

How can we know what we want? Perhaps this starts with who we already are.

And who we are is a deep question in itself, but at a surface level, it’s perhaps a combination of our innate character, our personal philosophy, what we’ve done in the past simply because we like doing it for ourselves and not for any sense of gain or recognition or even perceived outcome by someone else.

Of course, one can argue that these aren’t really what make us who we are, to which I’d say it’s a starting point. After all, the examination of these things and the questioning of their authenticity and their source is valuable in itself. We can easily go through life never or rarely evaluating these, believing that it was ours all along. But what really teaches us is lived experience, specifically, pain and struggle.

It’s the pain and struggle that molds us and alters our trajectory. This is not to make life solely about our pasts, but it’s what we worked hard to become and what we earned to have that we truly value.

So perhaps what we want is not really what society tells us to want. Maybe it’s deeply personal, unique to us even. The boring answers to this are the ones that everyone else wants: more money, a nice place to live, material things that signify status. But what is it that you really want? As if your existence depends upon it? That if you were to only have these things in life and nothing more, you’d sacrifice everything else that you have? Something that you’d give up the things that you only kind of want, for what you must have?

In short, what is it that you’re willing to struggle for and not just desire? What is worth the pain in order to earn something for yourself? What are the things you yearn for that are solely for you—not for someone else’s recognition, but for your own self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth?

Ultimately, it’s not about how someone else judges your life when you pass. People might think about your external accomplishments and possessions. This is easy to see because success and wealth are the things that everyone else wants. These are also the things that people can see for themselves. But only you would really know if you’ve identified what you really wanted, if you went after what you wanted, and how you went about going after it.

It’s worth asking every now and then. Hold it close to the chest. And go after it. I’ll leave you with this quote:

”Attack this day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.“

— Jack Harbaugh

Default kind

How to change the world: Be kind.

It costs absolutely nothing to show a bit of kindness to someone, and yet its value is immeasurable.

You just never know how much something—no matter how small—can mean to someone. It might make them feel good for a moment, it might be the piece of humanity they really needed during a tough time, it might make them want to be kind to others, who might ripple out acts of kindness to many more.

We think accomplishing grandiose things are pre-requisites to change the world. But we can start with kindness. If we’re default kind—not because we need anything in return—but because we believe in its capacity for collective healing, we can change the world.

Want It But Don’t Need It

One of the follies of man is he will ultimately and without doubt be destroyed and led to his downfall by his ego if left unchecked.

The uncontrollable pursuit of power, of attention, of anything outside him, to get a modicum of respectability, to feel an ounce of acceptance, of a moment of “love” he couldn’t quite give himself—will wreck him if he doesn’t understand that while there is a feeling of freedom and pride in attaining the goal, the true objective is to never need it in the first place.

It can be a powerful source but you must not let it consume you. You are the master of the ship no matter how strong the waves or how fruitful the island. The real treasure…is you.

The only thing to be is yourself

Challenge your idea of who you’re supposed to be.

There’s this image in our head of who we’re supposed to be. Things we’re supposed to have, the kind of partner we’re supposed to be with, the job we’re supposed to do, things we’re supposed to achieve by supposed age.

Where did these come from? Did you consciously create these desires? Did you intentionally commit to them?

This image of who we’re supposed to be is robbing us of the only thing we need to be more of: ourselves.

When you define what you want for you and follow your own compass, your soul will know the difference.

Happiness is a habit

Happiness is not some ethereal thing we only get to have once in a while. As if happiness is in short supply, and we must earn it through suffering or some special circumstance.

Happiness is available all the time. It’s not something we deserve or don’t deserve. It’s there for us whenever we choose to feel it. It’s not a destination or some perpetual state we suddenly achieve when everything in our life is perfect.

We can be happy whenever we wish. When we take a pause to be grateful for anything, we practice happiness.

So What?

If things work out or don’t work out, so what?

This short life is about betting all the chips on yourself and what you believe in. It’s about going after the things you can’t buy—“a healthy body, a calm mind, and a house full of love”—because it’s worth it.

Life becomes simpler when you:

1. finally decide what you want
2. take risks to get it
3. are detached from the outcome

This is the real “no fucks given”—when you’re willing to risk it all because that is the price. When you accept this, you are liberated.