What do you really want?

How can we know what we want? Perhaps this starts with who we already are.

And who we are is a deep question in itself, but at a surface level, it’s perhaps a combination of our innate character, our personal philosophy, what we’ve done in the past simply because we like doing it for ourselves and not for any sense of gain or recognition or even perceived outcome by someone else.

Of course, one can argue that these aren’t really what make us who we are, to which I’d say it’s a starting point. After all, the examination of these things and the questioning of their authenticity and their source is valuable in itself. We can easily go through life never or rarely evaluating these, believing that it was ours all along. But what really teaches us is lived experience, specifically, pain and struggle.

It’s the pain and struggle that molds us and alters our trajectory. This is not to make life solely about our pasts, but it’s what we worked hard to become and what we earned to have that we truly value.

So perhaps what we want is not really what society tells us to want. Maybe it’s deeply personal, unique to us even. The boring answers to this are the ones that everyone else wants: more money, a nice place to live, material things that signify status. But what is it that you really want? As if your existence depends upon it? That if you were to only have these things in life and nothing more, you’d sacrifice everything else that you have? Something that you’d give up the things that you only kind of want, for what you must have?

In short, what is it that you’re willing to struggle for and not just desire? What is worth the pain in order to earn something for yourself? What are the things you yearn for that are solely for you—not for someone else’s recognition, but for your own self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth?

Ultimately, it’s not about how someone else judges your life when you pass. People might think about your external accomplishments and possessions. This is easy to see because success and wealth are the things that everyone else wants. These are also the things that people can see for themselves. But only you would really know if you’ve identified what you really wanted, if you went after what you wanted, and how you went about going after it.

It’s worth asking every now and then. Hold it close to the chest. And go after it. I’ll leave you with this quote:

”Attack this day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.“

— Jack Harbaugh

Default kind

How to change the world: Be kind.

It costs absolutely nothing to show a bit of kindness to someone, and yet its value is immeasurable.

You just never know how much something—no matter how small—can mean to someone. It might make them feel good for a moment, it might be the piece of humanity they really needed during a tough time, it might make them want to be kind to others, who might ripple out acts of kindness to many more.

We think accomplishing grandiose things are pre-requisites to change the world. But we can start with kindness. If we’re default kind—not because we need anything in return—but because we believe in its capacity for collective healing, we can change the world.

Want It But Don’t Need It

One of the follies of man is he will ultimately and without doubt be destroyed and led to his downfall by his ego if left unchecked.

The uncontrollable pursuit of power, of attention, of anything outside him, to get a modicum of respectability, to feel an ounce of acceptance, of a moment of “love” he couldn’t quite give himself—will wreck him if he doesn’t understand that while there is a feeling of freedom and pride in attaining the goal, the true objective is to never need it in the first place.

It can be a powerful source but you must not let it consume you. You are the master of the ship no matter how strong the waves or how fruitful the island. The real treasure…is you.

The only thing to be is yourself

Challenge your idea of who you’re supposed to be.

There’s this image in our head of who we’re supposed to be. Things we’re supposed to have, the kind of partner we’re supposed to be with, the job we’re supposed to do, things we’re supposed to achieve by supposed age.

Where did these come from? Did you consciously create these desires? Did you intentionally commit to them?

This image of who we’re supposed to be is robbing us of the only thing we need to be more of: ourselves.

When you define what you want for you and follow your own compass, your soul will know the difference.

Happiness is a habit

Happiness is not some ethereal thing we only get to have once in a while. As if happiness is in short supply, and we must earn it through suffering or some special circumstance.

Happiness is available all the time. It’s not something we deserve or don’t deserve. It’s there for us whenever we choose to feel it. It’s not a destination or some perpetual state we suddenly achieve when everything in our life is perfect.

We can be happy whenever we wish. When we take a pause to be grateful for anything, we practice happiness.

So What?

If things work out or don’t work out, so what?

This short life is about betting all the chips on yourself and what you believe in. It’s about going after the things you can’t buy—“a healthy body, a calm mind, and a house full of love”—because it’s worth it.

Life becomes simpler when you:

1. finally decide what you want
2. take risks to get it
3. are detached from the outcome

This is the real “no fucks given”—when you’re willing to risk it all because that is the price. When you accept this, you are liberated.

Duty

Be in service of your duty.

Whoever you are, someone depends on you for something. Be it you family, your friends, your job, your art. The human race needs you.

We ought to fulfill what we are called to do with the best of our efforts. Ultimately, we do it for us.

How we show up even in the most mundane moments is a reflection of our character. Precisely when no one is watching is when we build self-respect, confidence, and self-esteem.

When we show up for ourselves, the universe shows up for us.

Find your art

May you find your art.

May you cultivate your unique gifts and share it with the world. May you discover your highest contribution whatever that might be.

The universe gives it to you but it doesn’t belong to you. You are only a vessel so that you may give it back to the cosmos with your own energy and taste and pain and magic.

If you are still searching, I leave you with my favorite quote:

Perhaps you seek too much, that because of your seeking you cannot find.

It’s there I promise you. You just have to surrender yourself to it.

Uncompromising

You have to be uncompromising with what you want.

It’s not actually the thing that you want that matters because it can change. And getting it doesn’t mean you’ll be happy.

But being uncompromising is making a firm decision to pursue what you want. That you’ll spend time, energy, and sometimes money in order to go after something because you decided for yourself that you want it.

Give yourself no excuses. Decide what you want. Then go for it like no one’s watching. Because no one is.

Beauty in Everything

There is romance and beauty in every moment, but only when you choose to see and interact with life that way.

The pain, the struggle. The rain, the hustle. The joy, the laughter. When people are in your life, and what happens when they leave after.

Know this: beauty is not merely because of the outside world and external circumstances. It starts with you. You are not just beautiful. You are beauty manifest inside and out. And when you really believe that, life becomes more beautiful.